


eyes wide shut

by allthefadinglights



Category: Formula 2 RPF, Motorsport RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Marcus doesn't know how to do feelings, the Jüri/Juan is minor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-15 01:40:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29925972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allthefadinglights/pseuds/allthefadinglights
Summary: Marcus isn’tjealous. That’d be stupid. And pointless, because he doesn’t stand a chance anyway and Jüri isn’this. God, he hates himself, hates his heart for somehow managing to fall in love with Jüri.
Relationships: Jüri Vips/Juan Manuel Correa, Marcus Armstrong/Jüri Vips
Comments: 6
Kudos: 20





	eyes wide shut

**Author's Note:**

> Is this considered a rare pair? I'm not sure, but I'm very fond of them and I'm nothing if not experimental with my writing. Also, I think my Schulott PWP earlier today helped me get unstuck, so that's good. 
> 
> Even if this isn't my usual Mallum or Schulott, I hope you enjoy it anyway!

Marcus isn’t _jealous_. That’d be stupid. And pointless, because he doesn’t stand a chance anyway and Jüri isn’t _his_. God, he hates himself, hates his heart for somehow managing to fall in love with Jüri. He’s not sure what Jüri and Juan have got going on, not sure if he even wants to know, but they’re both his friends and if Jüri is with Juan, Marcus could never pursue it. He wouldn’t even want to, because his friendship with them both is important to him. He’s not going to let some dumb feelings get in between that. It doesn’t take away from the fact that it hurts, though. Even without knowing what’s going on, he can see there’s clearly more between Jüri and Juan than they let on. He hasn’t asked Juan about it, mainly because he’s afraid Juan is just going to confirm they’re dating. And then what? He’s going to be jealous of his friend for getting to be with Jüri, resent him for it? He’d rather not.

It makes him feel sick to his stomach, though, to see Juan looking satisfied and comfortable in Jüri’s hoodies around the paddock. It’s stupid - Marcus wouldn’t even fit into Jüri’s clothes - but it’s not even the first time he’s seen it happen. They’ve been sharing clothes for a long time, since their Prema days, actually, and since Jüri started putting in more gym time and prefers his hoodies oversized, they’re just the right size for Juan. Marcus would drown in them, most likely, but that doesn’t stop him from wanting to be the one to steal Jüri’s hoodies. Jüri doesn’t know how much it hurts for Marcus to see, and Marcus is determined not to let it show, teases him about it and feels hollow and empty when Jüri just flushes red. 

Usually, Marcus wouldn’t hesitate to stop by either of their teams if he’s in the area for a chat, but he has the unsettling feeling he might walk into something he can never unsee if he goes looking for his friends. Callum knows something is up but doesn’t push him, he knows Marcus will talk if he wants to. And at the moment, he doesn’t want to talk about it or even think about it. So he pretends nothing is wrong, races Jüri like he always would and watches Juan’s races carefully. 

Marcus was right to be scared of coming across things he could never unsee. He catches Jüri and Juan kissing behind a stack of tyres somewhere in the back of the paddock. Marcus wasn’t even supposed to be there - he was just looking for Callum and was unable to find him in all the logical places, like the Ferrari hospitality. He must make some kind of noise, because they break apart and stare at Marcus, red-faced and looking a little embarrassed. There’s dead silence, somehow all the noise of the paddock filters out as Marcus feels his ears ringing, sees Juan’s mouth move but whatever he says doesn’t reach him. 

“Marcus?” Jüri says, waving his hand in front of Marcus’s face. “Hello?”

“Yeah?” Marcus manages to say. They might as well have punched him in the face, but he can’t say that or let it show because that would raise more questions than he’s comfortable answering. 

“Please don’t tell anyone,” Juan pleads. “The consequences-“

The consequences are none of Marcus’s concern, and for a second he considers outing them, see how their relationship would withstand the constant scrutiny - if it even would. And then he’s disgusted with himself for even considering it. “I’m not gonna tell anyone,” he says quietly. Yeah, he’s so jealous of Juan he can barely breathe, but he’s still Marcus’s friend. He’s still the person who always manages to distract Marcus when he’s feeling like shit, the eternal optimist despite everything, and Marcus has known Juan longer than he’s liked Jüri. “I’m happy for you guys.” It sounds so fake, the words foreign in his mouth, and he hopes they won’t see right through it. He spares a quick glance at Jüri, who’s looking at him with a curious expression, before leaving as fast as he allows himself without running. 

Callum finds him on his way to the Dams awning in the F2 paddock, and he can tell by a single glance that something’s really wrong. “Marcus, talk to me. What’s going on?” Callum asks him, grabbing him by the shoulders when Marcus looks around for some sort of exit. 

“Not here,” Marcus breathes. “I can’t say it here.” There’s too many people around, too many strangers who could hear and tell others. Callum’s raised eyebrow asks the question for him. “Can you come to my hotel room tonight? I promise I’ll tell you everything.” Callum agrees without asking any more questions.

Marcus isn’t sure how he gets through the day but he finds himself on the balcony of his hotel room with Callum before he realises it. “So are you gonna tell me what happened or am I just here to sit still and look pretty?” Callum deadpans. “Because I can absolutely sit still and look pretty but I’d rather you talk to me.”

No point beating around the bush then. “I might be in love with Jüri.”

To Callum’s credit, he contains his surprise very well, the only indication of it being a raised eyebrow. “Might be?”

“Have been for months,” Marcus mumbles. “But he and Juan…” He can’t finish his sentence, can’t get himself to say the words, but Callum understands and winces sympathetically. “I never told him and now I never will, because it’s too late.”

“Do you think you can still be friends with them?” Callum asks quietly. 

“I don’t know,” Marcus admits. “It’s hard to see _that_ separately from my friendship with them. I can’t face Jüri right now and I’m jealous of Juan.”

He ends up avoiding both of them for the next few races. It’s easy to avoid Juan, since he’s in another series and they had to go out of their way to see each other in the paddock, but Jüri is another story entirely. Marcus keeps ducking into random team awnings as soon as he spots Jüri somewhere - sometimes it’s not even Jüri, but Liam Lawson, who looks eerily similar to Jüri from a distance with his Red Bull suit and equally blond hair. It makes for some interesting conversations with other drivers and even team members, who are getting quite suspicious of Marcus appearing at the most random times. 

He’s out of luck a few months later, when Jüri manages to corner him behind a stack of tyres in the paddock, where Marcus had attempted to hide. “You’ve been avoiding me,” Jüri says, blocking the only exit. “Why?” Marcus scoffs, still avoiding eye contact as he stares at his feet. “Marcus, just tell me what I’ve done wrong and why you’re mad at me so I can make things right.”

God, no, Jüri’s gotten the wrong idea entirely. “I’m not mad at you.”

“Then why have you been ducking into random garages every time you see me? Why haven’t we spoken in months? Why have you been texting me back one word answers?”

“Because,” Marcus hisses, finally looking up. He’s surprised to see a whirlwind of emotions in Jüri’s eyes, running from anger to sadness and finally settling on the latter.

“Why do you hate me?”

“I don’t hate you!” Marcus exclaims, throwing his hands up. 

“Then why-“ Marcus does something he might regret till the end of his days - he pulls Jüri close by the front of his shirt and kisses him. It only lasts a second, but it’s enough to get the point across before Marcus pulls away and pushes past him to get away as fast as he can. Jüri doesn’t follow him. Marcus hides in the Dams motorhome for the rest of the day, relieved it’s a Sunday and he can go back to Italy tomorrow. He’s not sure if he can ever face Jüri again, or Juan for that matter. Surely he won’t be happy to hear about this. Fuck, maybe he’ll get mad at Jüri because of what Marcus did. God, he’s really made a mess of this. 

He’s leaving the paddock to go back to his hotel room to have a good cry in peace when someone calls his name. It’s Juan, approaching him on his crutches and Marcus knows that if he wants to avoid this conversation, he can just run. Juan won’t follow. But that feels unfair and wrong, so he waits with bated breath for Juan to catch up with him. Surely Juan won’t punch him in the paddock, right? That’d get him a suspension at the very least. “Stop looking like I’m about to kill you,” Juan grumbles. Marcus flinches when Juan reaches for him and he rolls his eyes. “You’re such an idiot. These are my car keys, you can drive us back to the hotel and we’re gonna have a chat.” 

The silence between them in the car is uncomfortable like it never has been with Juan before. Marcus doesn’t know what to say, has no idea if Juan is angry with him or not, or what to expect from their conversation. “Now what?” Marcus asks, dropping his bag to the floor and staying right where he is, by the door, watching Juan flop onto the bed.

“Jüri told me what happened,” Juan starts, propping a pillow under his head so he can look at Marcus. Marcus lets out a bitter laugh. “Will you sit down? I’m not gonna kill you or anything.” He watches Marcus as he sits at the very edge of the bed, as far away from Juan as possible. “Fine, that’ll do. Jüri told me you kissed him and then ran off without offering any further explanation.”

“It sounds bad when you put it like that,” Marcus winces. He can only read curiosity in Juan’s expression, nothing else. 

“Yeah, that’s because it is. It’s kind of an asshole move to kiss someone after avoiding them for months and then disappear again. For the record, I have noticed you’ve been avoiding me as well but I chalked it up to us being in different series. But that wasn’t the reason, was it? You’ve been acting weird since you caught us making out. So tell me, how long have you been in love with Jüri?”

“I’m not-“

“You’re not seriously going to deny it, are you?”

Marcus sighs. “Fine, I am. Have been for months. I’m sorry I kissed your boyfriend, it won’t happen again. Can I go?”

Juan gapes at him. “My boyfriend? You think we’re dating?”

“Yes? I found you two- you know.”

“Jesus Christ Marcus. No, we’re not dating. Is that why you were so terrified of me just now? You thought Jüri was my boyfriend and I was gonna fight you for kissing him? That’s- I can’t even explain how wrong that is. You happened to catch us the one time we kissed. It was experimental, we were trying to figure out if dating would work for us or if we’re better off as friends and we concluded that it’s the latter.”

Marcus doesn’t know what’s going on. “So you’re not dating Jüri?”

Juan pinches the bridge of his nose. “No, we’re not dating. And if you’d given him a chance to explain today, you would’ve known that earlier. And you also would’ve known that Jüri is into you, which is why he’s been so upset that you’ve been avoiding him.”

“Oh god,” Marcus whispers. “I’m an idiot.” 

Juan hums in agreement. “So why are you still sitting here? Go get him, though not until after you’ve apologised a thousand times because you’re not winning any best friend medals at the moment.” 

“But we’re flying home tomorrow,” Marcus counters. “How am I supposed to talk to him?”

“Lucky for you, I have his room number,” Juan says calmly. 

“Thank you,” Marcus says quietly. “And I’m sorry. I promise I’ll make it up to you.”

“Yeah yeah,” Juan chuckles. “Just go talk to Jüri, we’ll catch up next time.” Marcus nearly runs out of the room with the room number Juan gave him, hesitating when he reaches the door. He’s really made a mess of things, which is exactly why he didn’t want to tell anyone in the first place. But that’s exactly the thing that’s cost him now, and he hopes it’s not too late. His friendship with Juan, he can mend, he wouldn’t have helped Marcus otherwise. But he’s been a real dickhead to Jüri. He knocks on the door before he can change his mind, forcing himself to stop nervously shifting his weight. 

“You’re here,” Jüri says when he sees Marcus. He looks surprised.

“Juan gave me your room number. Jüri, I’m so sorry. I’ve been such an idiot and I shouldn’t have run off.” He’s not above begging for forgiveness, but it might not have to get that far. Jüri pulls him inside the room, slams the door behind him, pressing him up against the door and kissing him again. It’s tentative at first, carefully exploring, until Marcus parts his lips and it gets hot and heavy fast. Marcus loses himself in the feeling of Jüri’s lips on his and his hands on Marcus’s waist. Jüri lets go of him a short while later, both of them panting.

“Yeah, you are an idiot,” he tells Marcus. He’s a little lost, considering Jüri just kissed him like his life depended on it, and now he’s calling Marcus an idiot. 

“I thought you were dating Juan,” Marcus says quietly. “And I didn’t wanna get between that. I just fucked up today.”

“Do you regret kissing me?” Jüri asks him. 

Marcus isn’t sure if he’s supposed to say yes or no. “No?” 

Jüri sighs. “I’m not dating Juan, which I’m guessing you found out if you’ve talked to him already. We were just… experimenting, I guess, when you caught us. When you’re so close to someone you can’t help but wonder if there’s more to it, so we tried it. Didn’t work so that was the end of that. He’s just my best friend, that’s all.”

“I’m sorry,” Marcus whispers, stepping closer to Jüri but keeping his hands by his side. He’s not sure if he’s allowed to reach out, but Jüri answers that question for him when he pulls Marcus into a hug. “I’m really sorry, Jüri. I’m in love with you and I couldn’t stand and watch you be happy with Juan, so I started avoiding the both of you.”

“I’m in love with you too, in case you hadn’t figured that out yet.”

“Can I make it up to you?” 

“I think I can be persuaded,” Jüri chuckles. “Come here, you idiot.”

**Author's Note:**

> (I would never make Juan the villain because I love that kid to pieces)
> 
> Comments are always very much appreciated <3


End file.
